I yearn for thy love
by x-Loki-x
Summary: Scott yearns for affection from the beauties who can never love the beast.


Title: I yearn for thy love…

Feedback: shadesatnightxyahoo.com

Rating: PG whatever

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or related characters, they are Marvel's and I make no money from it

Summary: Scott yearns for affection from the beauties who can never love the beast

World: Comic/AU

Pairings: Jean/Ororo

Written from Scott's POV

Author's notes: This is story copies the idea of the legendary tale of "Beauty and the Beast"

Scott is, obviously, the Beast, and Jean and Ororo are both the embodiment of the Beauty.

I yearn for thy love… 

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The rain, that hath long ago washed off any vivid color that spoke of life, again now splashes furiously against the castle walls.  Oh, God, to what use this rain? My castle looks now on the outside just as it is on the inside: dead.

The rain…  ah! … the life bringing rain, along snow, and wind, and sunshine, 'tis a blessed gift of Heaven. And 'tis this blessed gift of heaven that has long ago shown me the first omen that I am condemned to live in Hell…

Many a rain, and many a torrent have my strong walls, my sealed doors and my high arcades endured.

And each storm stripped, and each drop bleached away the shining, proud, ivory-white color that once wrapped my walls in seraph's light!

Now the once glowing white is no more, and my imposing walls turned to the color that now poisons my mind, and stabs at my breast: the desolate color of dark, murky gray, the color of utter and grinding monotony… the heavy color of lid, closed up on lid, and tears springing from dead metal…

And each torrent hath washed away, and each wind hath blown away, the azure, blessed, sapphire-powder covering my cloud-reaching towers!

Now the towers which hath once bore proud flags, which hath once tickled the young lass's feet, as they were playing in Heaven, have turned to the same metallic color, crushing my chest and making me gasp for breath, taking all pleasure away from my now lifeless eyes.

But though Heaven's gift hath dissolved all vivid color from my walls, and drenched my soul in a sea of lifeless gray, it hath not turned all color to the lid appearance, it did not cast all feelings from my heart.

It did, indeed, cast away the Heaven of lively colors, but not only did it not cast away the black Hell, but it fed it, made it grow and impose itself above everything else.

For my azure towers bleached, then turned to gray, but the widespread wings of the stone gargoyles only grew darker, their teeth sharper, and their claws longer, sharper, and of shining blackest black…

For my ivory walls have faded into the murky lid appearance spits!, but the gargoyle's red eyes and tongues grew redder, and their spiky hair grew redder still, and now, when moon casts down it's shining glance, my castle looks as if it is guarded by a pack of fiery daemons, breathing, crying, and being sheathed in blazing fire…

All my windows, that hath once been made of the purest crystal, and hath had precious silver frames, have now been washed by countless rains, their frames now turning into lid, and their clear glass into opaque matter which only serves to reflect my hideous appearance.

Oh! Blessed rain, thou is for me a curse! You have washed away my life and made me acknowledge my accursed death… Oh! Blessed rain, why dost thou still fall?

Outside the giant walls surrounding my once proud castle, a forest stretches for miles and miles, as far as the eye can see, but there are also meadows, and small fields of flowers…

I hath once adored to look upon it, so my mind could forget, even for the shortest moment, the dying place in which I half lived, half died.

But that was back when life still had frail roots into my heart. Now the darkness has consumed me, my heart is now quiet and still, and if I were to cast a glance upon the lively forest and meadows, the pain in my lifeless eyes and in my twisted head would make me tremble, moan, and cry for days, for Death cannot desire what Life resides outside it's gates, but can only consume what Life enters it's quarters..

Inside the walls surrounding me, and closing me in, forcing me to continue my infinite waltz with Death, there is no trace of living thing.  Only dark ground, stained with pools of murky waters which form and reform with every rain. Not even the most disgusting of crawlers, not even a single insect or a lonely bat or crow comes here anymore. I would kiss the frog, and hug the snake, pet the crocodile and fly with the crow, if only they wouldst come. But as cold, disgusting or dark as they might be, they are alive, so they keep away from me.

This is my castle, my domain, a lair of death, a metallic cage, a closed off quarter, and a cradle of the devil…

And whom could be the master and the keeper of this lifeless gothic nightmare?

Only a lifeless gothic shadow…

My hearth hath once been filled with love and passion, and my mind of noble thoughts. And in my foolish pride, and youngster courage, I hath even laughed at the dark. Only one who does not know the true power of the immortal darkness can so easily and gladly challenge it, and speak lowering of it.

Now the shadow blossomed on my cheek, and the darkness grew in my breast, consuming me and everything around me, transforming me into a thing I hath only dreamt to hunt: a misshapen beast, a horned daemon. I hath become nothing more than a living brother of the obsidian statues decorating my rooftops.

True, my power hath grown, and grown, to such high levels that there were few things I could not accomplish. It's sour taste was sweet to me, and it's poison was my nectar, darkening and twisting my thoughts, and constricting my heart with necessary pain.

But, oh! When I hath finally realized, and I grew conscious of my state, I hath pleaded, and pleaded to every god  willing to bow his ear to my plea, to give me back my human flesh, for my powers were worthless, for they are only powers over death…

Time passed, and with me passing into the world of the shades, I was not allowed any salvation in Death's clasp. The darkness still grew, and grew, giving me no rest.

Dead, as I am, my shadow still creeps through the endless, hollow halls of my castle, for in my hand I hold the secrets of death, and although I am but a shade, this dead place in which I dwell is still mine to roam and make use of.

Desperately have I searched for a cure, a path to salvation, or to hell, but as a mere tortured shade, not as a master over shadows, and the only cure I found, is the one I cannot grasp: what else canst it be, but love?

Ah! The sweet fruits of love which I hath never thought I would taste again… And yet the gods my pleas have answered, and fate mercy took on me, as two maidens, pure and beautiful knocked on the castle's heavy, sealed door.

It was a mere  few weeks ago, but I remember clear the pain I felt when their lively glow, their heavenly shine, sprang my lid eyelids open, and my lifeless eyes took life, as they took in their appearance.

What else than pure, sacred goodness of soul could have caused such a glow, that would bring metal to life, and sensation -even if it was that of pain- into the numbness of death?

My shriek as the first ray of life stung into my inner darkness made them want to flee, but I hath stopped them, locking all ways out, and bewitching them with the pleasures of warm fires, good food, red wine, and soft beds.

Days hath passed, and I could not help but fall in love with them, so beautiful were they. Loving each other as sisters, they spent much time together, holding their hands and laughing together.

Ah! The first laughter I had heard since such long time I cannot bring into remembrance. I grew addicted to their presence, my eyes hath been bewitched by their fair beauty, and their smiles gave me peace.

Unbeknownst to them I lead them throughout my most beautiful chambers, as a shade, yearning, watching, nothing more. I showed them the largest halls, the most imperious armors and weapons, the softest silks, the most beautiful of dresses, the most beautiful pictures, painted by men who hath been said to have been holding tight the gift of masterful creation.

It pleased me to see them pleased, and seeing them happy made me content. I showed them the largest dinner-halls, fed them the most tasteful foods, and always made sure their golden cups were filled with the finest dark wine.

They slowly noticed my presence, became aware I was with them, but, to my great amazement they did not act with fear, or cried in despair, but softly smiled when they felt my ghostly presence, knowing I'd cause them no harm.

In evening, or late night, when they held each other by the warm fire, I watched, and wept, and yearned, and wept… I yearned fro the warmth and closeness of another's embrace, and wept heavy tears, and I yearned to hear such soft words as they spoke to each other, whispered at my ear, and I wept long streams of sorrow laden tears…

The numbness in my breast had now been replaced by necessary pain, and my need for their love pushed me into closing to them and their warm hearts. Whenever they sighed in sadness, I was next to them saddened with them, and whenever the lights went out, the shadows covering them, and making them fearful, I was quick to fire up new candles, and blow light onto their faces. And always my only repay was to see them at ease.

The red-haired one is so full of life, I wonder how is it that she hath grown accustomed to my large chambers and the lifelessness of my halls. Her green eyes appear to have been sculptured by the most careful and experienced of hands, out of pure emeralds. Her skin is as white as milk, her body supple, and her head held high. Her laughter pains me, but I thank her for this pain, for it is the pain of and life, striking through death.

Her beauty can only be matched by the other sweet maiden, who my eyes have long rested upon.

Her snow-white hair is in contrast with her chocolate-dark skin, and those incredible sapphire-blue eyes, which make me remember my tall towers, complete her incredible beauty. She is so beautiful to me that it hurts to even look upon her. But I thank her for this pain, for it is the pain of love striking through a numb heart, and I knew and felt it in my heart that it was her I had to reveal myself to first.

I once followed her royal pace, and then gently guided her away from her sweet companion, and into a dark room which I had quickly lightened sensing a glimpse of fear from her. A piano started playing, and a shadow, a pale breeze of wind enveloped her in it's embrace and murmured soft words of thanks in her ear. Only for a second did I grasp her, only for a second was her breast pressed onto mine, but that second lasted more, than the whole infinity of death could ever last. As I disappeared, the candles burned out, the piano stopped playing and the door opened behind her, inviting her back to her sweet friend's side.

The pain only grew stronger within me, and more drunk with the sweet nectar of their presence in my life –or rather death- was I, but it was a sweet pain, a pain I accepted gladly, knowing that it pained, because I loved.

One day, while she pondered over words written by great poets in the large library I showed her, she smiled as she sensed my presence, and laid her beautiful gaze on me. I sat still, amazed and charmed by her, her beauty, and her deep gaze, and then my heart was overwhelmed with the familiar pain, and silent joy as she said _"I love you."_

It was then that I realized that by these two maidens could I truly be saved!

Two nights have since passed, and I pray that tonight she will remember her words and through her -through them- I will be able to live, or die, again.

Now is the moment when I will claim my redemption. In one dance with them I will reveal myself to them, and I will try to regain what the darkness from me has stolen- my humanity.

As gently as I always do, I guided them, from my safe shadows, to dressing rooms, and pulled out dresses- velvet red for the one with the emerald gaze and the scarlet hair, and pure white for my fair lady with ice-blue eyes and snow white hair.

Oh! Such beauty never have I laid eyes upon in my entire accursed existence as I saw when the two of them emerged from the room. Such beautiful creatures, such graceful moves, such amazing and glorious smiles and such sweet faces I have never had the honor and pleasure of looking upon!

I now dare to believe that maybe… just maybe… the Heavens will be merciful this night, and will allow me back my humanity, or at least a peaceful eternal sleep…

Holding hands they now follow my familiar presence to the one room of the castle that I had never shown them, the most beautiful room in this castle, a room which I had not set foot into since long before I can trace into remembrance: the ball room.

 As I light the chandeliers and the countless candles on the walls and the light pushed back all darkness from the room, I hear my beautiful ladies softly gasp in awe, as this one hall seems to be in contrast with all that which surrounds it. All the castles' darkness and it's lifelessness are forgotten when thou sets thy sights on this room. Walls, masterfully painted by artist whom are now but legends, high ceiling painted as a nightly sky, crystal chandeliers, an endless row of candles on the walls, soft and luxurious carpets cover the floor, and stop only when they meet the one thing that shines above all else: the dance ring. 'Tis like a lake of stilled or frozen waters. It sparkles, and it shines, it lusts for the touch and steady rhythm of skillful feet dancing, and waltzing upon it.

Detaching myself from the shadows that have been my shelter, my refuge, my sanctuary and my home for all these years I take my first bold steps into the burning light, pain of the physical kind now adding to the torment in my heart and the coldness in my breast. Offering them my arms for support I escort them with gallant pacing to the hungry dance ring. And, under the false, but still so real night sky, and on the false, but still so real frozen lake, the dance begins.

No god, nor daemon have ever seen such rhythm, such perfect movements, and such graceful and perfect skill. Clasping each other and entwining together, the beautiful maidens dance together on the icy bolt of heaven beneath their feet, which seems to lighten in each place it is touched by their feet. Fascinated and amazed I watch hungrily. Now is the time I must join their dance,  join with them and accept their love and life into my dark soul!

Confidently I step between them showing gentle, graceful movement, but they swiftly change their dance and move quickly until once again they face each other. I shake my head in disbelief, and set to their rhythm once again, and clasp them both around their wastes, but just as swiftly as I clasp them, they pirouette and free themselves from my yearning embrace again.

It cannot be! Why? Oh, God, why?!

I am desperate, not understanding, but then I see my white haired maiden, the one who sweetly said she loved me, looking, and smiling at me. She loves me still, I know it! I try one gracious move again, I clasp her hand, swing her once, then I pull her in my embrace. Our gazes meet, and she's still smiling, and, yes, dare I say it? I'm coming to life! But the next second infinite pain and sorrow brings me, as she slips out of my hands, returning and joining her friend in their heavenly dance.

As I bow my gaze my eyes drip salted tears across my face and onto the dance floor… my human condition is leaving me, I am becoming a shade once more…

Why? What has happened? Why was this not to be?

I open my eyes and my bowed gaze meets the floor, and now I understand…

As the maidens dance the floor lightens under them, while I alone sit here, in the dark and I now see that the floor under my feet is as dark as the bottomless pits of the oceans.

I raise my sorrow-filled gaze and look upon my beloved white-haired maiden again, and I see that when our gazes meet, she smiles. I now understand… she does love me… but she must dance with her friend… she does love me… but it is  they two who must stay and be together…

I draw back to my shadows, feeling the sour taste of defeat, and the thought at an eternity in darkness is draining me of every last trace of life…

A fool was I to seek salvation in their arms… how can such beauties, such heavenly creatures of light, ever love a misshapen daemon, a distorted shade, a dark filled image of doom reflected in a lifeless gothic shadow as am I?

The two maidens can find no beauty in this beast, and a fool was I to believe otherwise.

I know now my fate, and not without tears and great regret do I accept it, but I cannot help but think about what could have been and long for it… although I am doomed to spend all time as a lifeless monster, I yearn to live, I yearn to be with you, my sweet ladies…

Canst thou not see?

I yearn for thy love…

Fin


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